excuses, excuses

It's a lot easier to write about things when you're miserable, so the last year has been literarily difficult. I'm going to start writing stories, one a week at least. They won't be very good. It's strange thinking of what to write about. Every idea has a flaw.

Examples, problems:

-'Write what you love!' I love people. Should I write about my friends? The multitudes of people I'm secretly (or not so secretly) attracted to? Strangers? I dated a boy once who had written a bunch of songs about girls at our tiny high school that he had once 'loved' (he was a drama queen), but he didn't want to play them at school because that'd be strange. Instead, he waited until college and released them (including an awful one about how much of a bitch I am-- see 'Boar in the Woods'. I'm sure posting this link doesn't help dissolve that reputation, but back to the sentence!), and some of my high school kids heard it, and everyone laughed. Maybe that's an exaggeration, but I laughed, and I am insecure enough with my composition abilities and embarrassingly open enough about my personal life to make writing about people seem like some sort of suicide.

Also, I totally love myself, but writing about 'neuroses' or whatever is soooo sophomore year.

-'Write about anything, but make it so cryptic that no one knows what you're talking about!' Self-indulgent/coy with annoying overtones. Maybe a good way to circumvent the problem of wanting to write about people.

-'Write creatively!' But what if I suck, and then people don't take me seriously? I am a critic to everyone, so I am due some mean karma, BUT I DON'T WANT IT.

-.....Grow up. See: BUT I DON'T WANT TO. Just kidding, but I am afraid of being artistically vulnerable because I probably suck lalala.

Side note: Alejandro sucks.

OKAY. So I'll write stories or something about an unknown subject-- and I'm mostly saying this because I can't think of anymore things to add to that list, and I also live for the airport in about two hours, so I don't want to think anymore. Hopefully, one story a week. Maybe someone will read them?! Unlikely, but I can hope, you know? Maybe I'll write poems, too, if I get my emotions back. (read: if I start crying all the time again!) We'll see, we'll see.