Tuesday, November 30, 2010

ANGST, dispelled.
i feel like i've just beaten a level-- a boss even?-- in some video game, or that i've been born again (minus the Christianity, obviously) and can face things with a fresh face or fresh mind or fresh whatever. this is strange, because i should feel terrible (because i don't really have anything), but for once i kind of want nothing, minus things that are kind of silly. i'm not craving anything, and though i am definitively without in certain areas of myself, i don't feel particularly absent in anything. i like so many people, and i don't really feel like a baby. i just feel kind of happy in how simple this feels.
i finally got everything out?

Friday, November 19, 2010

i feel like there is a major and a minor arcana in terms of relationships, romantic and not.

interesting thought: going to the mall is considered a fairly dumb/vacuous/valley girl thing to do, but the idea of the greecian agora (classic consultant: am i using the right word?) for shopping/social interaction is seen of as pretty nifty keen/something that most people i know would do if given the opportunity to go back in the day. soso, as 'going to the mall' is kind of culturally construed for shopping and people prowling, and the agora is seen as somewhat of the same, except with the addition of discussion, perhaps, where does the mallsRlame, but ancient greece is gr8 argument come from?
re: discussion, do we really have faith in ancient people have distinguished, enlightened, truth-seeking conversations all the time, or is it more likely they were just taking about who looked best in their togas?
this is inarticulate/dumb sounding, duh. but the thought is ill-formed/silly, though still curious.

also, this is the only song i listen to anymore: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_bEWXs_FX4

roflrofl, <3

Sunday, November 14, 2010

i am afraid of myself.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

beautiful night with beautiful fog and a beautiful song playing on repeat (that describes really just what i want to hear, please, oh, please i am the craziest), and my head is spinning with catholic self-discovery and protestant women submitting then transcending and finding god in attempt to power their facade; i am being archaic, but i am speaking my mind, and my fingers are fluttering faster than my heart beat, which apparently can vary from 68-109 bmp, while sitting.
i want to get up and go, but i don't know who will come with me? should i be hoping for love, or should i just bring my cat, frightened and nervous and sneaky (and representative of me) as she is? i don't want to go alone because i don't want to be alone, and i don't want to be alone because i'm afraid that means that no one loves me-- but that is silly and melodramatic, and i am manic because i haven't slept, and i keep 'forgetting' to eat.
tonight, i had so many thoughts that, when i couldn't find someone to tell them to, (guess who!) i sat down, crying in the b staircase. i really think i'm going insane, but i'd rather be honest and understanding and convinced that i am learning than sane (though ideally, i'd be both). i hope this fog is inspiring everyone else because it is so perfect.
i'm going to go take pictures, lol.

i'm gonna take good photos one day, i swear!