Thursday, November 11, 2010
beautiful night with beautiful fog and a beautiful song playing on repeat (that describes really just what i want to hear, please, oh, please i am the craziest), and my head is spinning with catholic self-discovery and protestant women submitting then transcending and finding god in attempt to power their facade; i am being archaic, but i am speaking my mind, and my fingers are fluttering faster than my heart beat, which apparently can vary from 68-109 bmp, while sitting.
i want to get up and go, but i don't know who will come with me? should i be hoping for love, or should i just bring my cat, frightened and nervous and sneaky (and representative of me) as she is? i don't want to go alone because i don't want to be alone, and i don't want to be alone because i'm afraid that means that no one loves me-- but that is silly and melodramatic, and i am manic because i haven't slept, and i keep 'forgetting' to eat.
tonight, i had so many thoughts that, when i couldn't find someone to tell them to, (guess who!) i sat down, crying in the b staircase. i really think i'm going insane, but i'd rather be honest and understanding and convinced that i am learning than sane (though ideally, i'd be both). i hope this fog is inspiring everyone else because it is so perfect.
i'm going to go take pictures, lol.
i'm gonna take good photos one day, i swear!
(THIS REMINDS ME OF HIGH SCHOOL, BUT HOPEFULLY I'M MORE INTELLIGENT.)